[TW: Abuse]

If you’re going into a potentially triggering tag(s) where survivors of abuse might look for help, resources, or others who can relate, but you end up trying to police how they react to being triggered because they might not be using the most “polite” tone… I think you need to reevaluate what you’re doing.

Someone feeling like they were talked to in a tone that is less than “polite” or “sweet” isn’t what you should be focusing on. You should be focusing on the victim that was just triggered into remembering or reliving a traumatic experience by your post. This isn’t about you. It’s just not.

Do not tone-police survivors into being extra sweet and sugar-coating their problems with your posts when it leads to them being hurt.

Just stop.

(Source: writeoutoflove)

forgetpolitics:

1. Dan Savage hates trans people and uses transphobic slurs.

“Children have a right to some stability and constancy from the adults in their lives. Perhaps I’m a transphobic bigot, but I honestly think waiting a measly 36 months to cut your dick is a sacrifice any father should be willing to make for his 15-year-old son. Call me old-fashioned.

Unfortunately, your ex wasn’t willing to make that sacrifice (selfish tranny!), or it never occurred to him to make that sacrifice (stupid tranny!)…. If your son can’t deal with having his dad/mom/whatever around right now, support him and tell his dad/mom/whatever to leave the two of you alone for the time being.”

2. Dan Savage believes that bisexuals do not and should not exist.

“I’m not saying bi guys are bad people, or they don’t make great one-night stands. Bushes, bathhouses, and sleazy gay bars are crawling with bi guys. But if a guy wants more, he’ll have an easier time getting it from another gay man.”

3. Dan Savage has admonished women for not putting up with their partner’s sexual desires and has criticized female rape survivors’ stories.

“There the guy was, boned for you, and he was brave enough to put his desires out there, to make himself vulnerable (which is what the ladies are always saying they want, right?), and you lobbed the ol’ “What?!?” bomb at him and made him feel like a freak. Is it any wonder that he quickly moved on to “other things” and, one would hope, better sex partners?”

“I’m extremely sorry that you were raped, DRARS, although your baseless accusations of rape make me doubt you when you claim to be a survivor of rape. The feminist bloggers are going to accuse me of thought crimes: If a woman says she was raped then, by God, she was raped. (Tell it to the lacrosse team.) But if my reaction to your letter is a thought crime, I can only plead entrapment: I wouldn’t have had these illegal thoughts if you hadn’t sent me such a stupid letter in the first place… Finally, DRARS, I hereby withdraw my consent for you to read Savage Love. If you continue to read my column against my will, well, we all know what word to apply to your actions.”

4. Dan Savage thinks that racist gay white men are less of a threat to African-Americans than homophobic African-Americans are to gay people.

EDIT: The quote below is indeed Dan’s response to Prop 8 and black homophobia, I have added some more of the senseless shit that has spewed out of his mouth so that no one will be confused as to how much of an asshole he is:

“I do know this, though: I’m done pretending that the handful of racist gay white men out there—and they’re out there, and I think they’re scum—are a bigger problem for African Americans, gay and straight, than the huge numbers of homophobic African Americans are for gay Americans, whatever their color…I’ll eat my shorts if gay and lesbian voters went for McCain at anything approaching the rate that black voters went for Prop 8.”

EDIT: Here are some more lovely gems from our resident asshole Dan Savage on his rampant hatred for everything not white, male, and gay:

5. Dan Savage thinks asexuals are secretly “fags”.

“I appreciate the feedback, Stephanie, and I’m sorry I offended you. But… um… I couldn’t help but think, as I read your letter, that your boyfriend is either a fool or a fag. But if it works for you guys—if a romantic relationship devoid of sexual attraction and activity works for you guys—then it works for you guys. Who am I to argue with success?”

6. Dan Savage is fatphobic.

“First off, LARDASS, you neglected to include a sign-off, forcing me to create one for you. I tried to create one that captured the spirit and tone of your letter, and I think I did pretty well… I am thoroughly annoyed at having my tame statements of fact—being heavy is a health risk; rolls of exposed flesh are unsightly—characterized as ‘hate speech.’”

(via kimberleesi)

Trigger Warning: Rape~

Joking about rape, making light of molestation, acting as if anyone deserved it, etc. is perpetuating the idea that rape isn’t serious or is the fault of someone else besides the rapist/molester. Whether or not a fictional character is involved doesn’t matter… If the idea is funny at all or you feel someone would get a laugh out of any experience dealing with rape, you are planting the seed in someone’s mind that it’s okay in certain situations.

It’s okay “because they’re not real.”

It’s okay “because it’s just a joke.”

It’s okay “because I’m not saying this directly to a rape/assault victim.”

The fact is, it’s not okay. It’s not okay at all.

Rape and assault can be one of the most traumatic experiences a person can go through… The degradation, the embarrassment, the accusations, the nightmares, the feeling of being completely powerless and dirty and worthless. None of that should ever be minimized in any situation. When one situation becomes “okay” it opens the door for other situations to be blown off, as well.

A lot of people who make rape jokes or who use the word so casually (like, “omg, rape my ask box!”) would most likely never intend to hurt someone with their words. (I’m going to be a positive person and believe that.) But people need to be aware that rape and assault are so common that chances are someone who has gone through those traumatic experiences will read or hear what you say… And they will be reminded of those memories and those feelings. Your intentions were probably not to make that happen, but it will.

I don’t want to attack anyone personally, but I just feel it needs to be said.

(Source: writeoutoflove)

morereasonsyoushouldntfuckkids:

Survivors of sexual abuse and rape don’t owe their abusers niceness. In fact, they don’t owe them anything. At all. There are some things that drop you out of the category “decent human being who deserves my respect”— rape and molestation are among those.

If a survivor is nice or “polite” to their abuser, it should be seen as an act of sainthood. Because that’s what it is— it comes out of nothing except for that person’s own goodness, and probably at their expense.

Survivors don’t owe their abusers anything at all. Ever.

(via fromonesurvivortoanother)

Trigger Warning: Mention of rape/response to victim blaming~

First of all, I would like to inform you of a thing called Rape by Deception/Rape by Fraud. For example, if a person consents to have sex with one person (aka Vivien consenting to have sex with her husband), but that person has been tricked by their partner and they are, in fact, not who the victim believes (aka Tate having sex with Vivien under false pretenses and having her believe it was Ben), it is rape.

Blaming Vivien for this, because “Oh, she should have known better.” or “She wanted sex.” is called victim-blaming and is very prominent in rape culture. Vivien is the victim.

Do you know what causes rape? Rapists. Not victims.

Please understand this.

In simple terms: Yes, Vivien consented to sex. She did not consent to sex with Tate. Sex with Tate was not consensual, therefore it is rape.

The FBI is actually changing the old definition of rape. It is now defined as, “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.”

Tate did not have consent. Ben did. But Ben wasn’t there. Tate did not have consent, therefore it is rape.

Also, not every single case of rape or assault is going to include violence (hitting, yelling, screaming), by the way. This is one of the biggest arguments I see on the AHS tag —there wasn’t a fight scene, so therefore he didn’t actually do anything bad. Just in case you didn’t know, there are some cases where victims are too terrified to say no or struggle. There are some cases when the victim isn’t even conscious. Are those people to be blamed, as well? No, of course not.

Vivien was a victim. Vivien was violated and lied to. You might not like her as a character, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that she was used by someone she did not consent to.

(Source: writeoutoflove)

[Image Removed] Trigger Warning~ “Pedobear” meme mentioning child molestation:

comebreakmedown-buryme:

fuckyeahidonteven:

Image read: “It’s only rape if they can say no.”

pedobear

I hate having to unfollow one of my favorite blogs, but I just can’t deal with this one.

Seriously?

It’s not a fucking joke.

…This is sick. Do you know how offensive that is? This isn’t something to laugh at. I feel disgusted.